The Shadows Stuck, Afterall

It's not that we had a lifetime together, it's not that we spent a whole year together, it's not even that we spent more than 2 full months in each other's presence. It's nothing tangible, it's not one bit real and it is every moment surreal. Maybe that's why I love him still? No. The problem, you see, is I love him. And that's that. I have no explanation about my love for him..if I did, I could've fought it with logic. I have no bitterness toward him, no anger at him..otherwise, I could've translated those feelings into tears or words. The problem is there are no side-effects of my love for him..no words to put to it..so what can I do? I love him. And I wish I could stop it.

Endlessness

I've been on this
Road.

This road.
This road.
This road.

I've constructed dreams
Extraordinary
And believed that I was
Living them.

I walked along this
Self-made road
Hoping that one day
I'll get where I deserve to be.

I've made
Plans.

Plans.
Plans.
Plans.

I laid them down on
The map of what my life
Was supposed to be
Ten years from the now.

I had structured it carefully
With a skeleton idea and experience,
Thinking that I will surely
Get where I deserved to be.

I had profusely
Prayed.

Prayed.
Prayed.
Prayed.

I put all my faith in
A god that I still
Can't make up my mind
About.

I believed madly,
Unbelieved with a vengeance
And had faith with a fear that
He might not get me where I deserved to be.

I'm still on this
Road.

This tiresome road.
This lonely road.
This inevitable road.

Forsaken

What has happened to the times
When I could look up into the
Sky and know that I've
Traces of the good in me?

I used to be able to look
Up into the candy clouds and
Feel the warmth of
Kindness fill me;

A time when I could know how
Blessed we all were
Just by gazing at the
Affectionate pink of sunlight through
Cloud covers;

I used to be able to
Experience love, goodness and
The tender beauty of life
When I looked into the sky.

Where has my heart
Disappeared, having forsaken
Me?

Removed

There was once a past
That I wished to simply
Survive -
For that moment,
At that time.

Now there's a past
That haunts me
Like the ugly demon on
The king's back.

I have dreams to live,
I want to new experiences,
I wish I could have faith,
I've desires too..

But this formidable past
Hangs onto every corner of
My soul, it's glued
Itself all over what is.

And..so..

Alone, I stand facing
The heartrending
Truth of what my life once
Was,

Removed, I live from
What I can
Make happen and
What I can be.